In My Dark Years…

There is a strange juxtaposition within my memory of the years I spent in University.  They were both some of my happiest times – as well as my darkest.  I was only seventeen in my first year of University & had been the only person from my graduating class to attend the particular school where I would spend five years of my life.  In essence, I was a stranger amongst strangers who was still even a stranger to himself.  For it is around this period in an Individual’s life when they begin to discover who they are & what they want out of life.  In a way, my journey was probably not dissimilar to the experiences of others who have gone through this challenging time.  However, my own journey had its own twists & turns that others might not have experienced.

During these Dark Years (as I have come to call them – though remember some of my happiest memories come from this time) I kept an informal diary of my thoughts & my reactions to events transpiring around me.  By “informal” I mean that I only wrote in my “diary” when the whim struck me & I felt inspired to quickly write down my impressions during a given moment – or when reflecting on recent events.  I suffered a certain social malaise – a hopeless disgust with how the world seemingly operated & the powers that seemed to greedily guide the lives of millions of blissfully ignorant people.  I’m sure there are many who have had similar feelings about the state of the world.  However, this Malaise Sociale lead me into a dark depression that I hid from my family, friends & peers.  I felt powerless to fight against the systems & the powerful people pulling the strings that kept the population enslaved to the false & dangerous ideals espoused by society.

It was a Dark Place that I inhabited.  At least in my own mind.

The memory of these years was sparked today by the simple action of re-reading some of those diary entries.  Reading the words that attempted to capture the thoughts, ideas & emotions I was experiencing at the time.  Like I said earlier, my memories of these Dark Years are mixed – both with the Malaise Sociale that plagued me & the joyous freedom & boundless possibility I felt as a young University student.  I met some of my dearest friends during this time – friends who have been an integral part of my life.  These strange times had a missive influence on the man I have become today.  I still hope for freedom & boundless possibility – but at the same time I still feel a certain malaise – though it is not a deep & troubled as it once had been.  Today I look on the world with hope for the future & with much more realistic & kinder expectations of my fellow humans.

What events in your past influence the way you think & the things that you do today?  Tell me about what challenges you have faced & overcome that have made you a stronger, more focused Individual.  Add your voice in the comments section below & let’s share our experiences.


I would be so grateful if you shared your thoughts with me.

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